Friday, July 31, 2009

Man Fucks Horse, Woman Eats Baby

On a single newspaper page I found these stories, as well as one about a woman who let rats eat the toes off her baby. A woman in Texas has decapitated her three and a half week old son, and eaten his toes and part of his brains. Meanwhile, a man in South Carolina has been sneaking into a horse stable to have sex with a mare he is particularly fond of, named sugar. He was arrested for Buggery with the same horse three years ago, and now his old lover has lured him back. The horses owner became suspicious when she found bales of hay stacked up in the horses stall, apparently so the man could get in a position to access the horse. Also, she had noticed that the horse had suffered from repeat vaginal and anal infections. She set up a video and caught the man in the act. She then waited in the barn with a shotgun and apprehended the man. Her picture is above. The photo features Sugar as well. Anyway, the combo of these stories just goes to show that the human race cannot be trusted, ever. Nothing has ever or will ever change about the way we behave. Genghis Kahn's men complained that women didn't have enough orifices to service enough of them at one time, so they would simply cut extra ones to fuck. The world is fucked, and has been since people have been on it.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Cash for Clunkers

What is all this about Cash for Clunkers all over the net?It is all the rage. It sounds like a good program, but i don't have a vehicle that gets 18 mpg. The only thing I see wrong is they are destroying all these cars when there are people who cant afford any car who would be happy to have one of those instead of destroying the motors. I do applaud getting rid of all those gas guzzlers, but like I said, maybe some of them could be put to better use.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Steven Wells

Steven wells, a British Journalist who recently died from enteropathy-associated T-cell lymphoma wrote of his experiences in a Philadelphia Emergency Room a few months before his death. Following is an excerpt.... “I’m writing these notes in the ER blitzed off my tits on Vicodin and synthetic heroin. Outside in the corridor some poor bastard who got crushed by a bowling ball stacking machine is screaming like a baby with Tourette’s. I should be experiencing compassion but instead I’m feeling disappointed. I’ve been brought up by American TV to expect the stabbed, the gut-shot and the Mafia-kneecapped to be fistfighting with the gangbangers, the crack addicts and the self-mutilating anorexic Goth chicks in ER waiting rooms. Instead there’s just lots of very fat people feeding McDonald’s to even fatter children." Nice description, except I do see a lot of self mutilating Goths, or "Emos" as I have recently learned most of them are called.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


As promised, updates have been added to the middle finger post of a few days ago.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fuck em all.

Two things. First, I think that may be the only catfish in foot pic I'm gonna get. The others are just too blury. I did get a different cool pic today, but I am starting a new policy of waiting a month or so before posting pics, just to add an extra layer of identity protection for the patient. Secondly, if you notice the films I put up of the finger dislocation, check back at that post in a few days because I plan to write a little about it. I am just too exhausted to get into the kind of heavy handed philosophy that the discussion will require. Tonight, I think for the first time, I got a glimpse into why the burn out rate is so high among emergency physicians. The bastards just ask too much from us. You finish your shift everyday completely exhausted, feeling that you have been pushed to the absolute limit of physical, emotional, and mental ability. At first this is the best feeling on earth. You leave feeling like you did your job, the description may be shitty at times, but you did that job, and probably did the right thing for a few people as well, and you really feel good about yourself, and maybe even life in general. However, this high eventually wears off, and you realize that you are grinding yourself to exhaustion every single day, and the only reward is a little sleep before you just start all over, and there comes a point when you just can't continue to lay everything you have out on the line in a public forum day after day after day. And who cares what you do really? Most of the patients don't even really care. Tonight, at the culmination of one of these hideous, stinking shifts full of wrongs and terrible abuses from the patients and to the patients, I walked out of the department, straight through the lobby, and right out the main doors, just for the hell of it. Subconciously daring someone in the waiting area or out front to fuck with me. When I came out the doors to the private auto drop off ramp I noticed the strangest detail of an insignificant scene. A lady had pulled up and was getting her son, about 10, from the back seat. He was in no apparant distress. The thing that struck me was the smell of fries. Mcdonalds fries. I glanced to the front passenger seat and noticed an older daughter cramming her fat mouth full. I thought about that and all I could picture was them out, on the way to the hospital for an "emergency" at 2am, and they decided to just run through the mcdonalds drive through on the way. My blood boiled. I really considered dragging somebody, anybody, out of that car and strangling the fuck out of them! This scene, in one split second image, captures the whole essence of the way I felt about Emergency Medicine right then at that moment.

Digitus impudicus

THESE FILMS, OF A DISLOCATED MIDDLE FINGER, PROVOKED MUCH DISCUSSION AND HEATED DEBATE AMONG THE PHYSICIANS IN OUR ED RECENTLY. Jokes were made about the middle finger, and then a statement was made that the origin of the obscene gesture is from the battle of agincourt during the hundred year's war. It was said that the french had threatened the feared english archers, saying that after they won the battle they would cut off all their middle fingers so they would no longer be able to draw a bow. After the English won the battle, they showed the still attached middle fingers to the french. Some of us doubted the truth of this story, so we looked it up on wiki. Turns out that the agincourt story is just one of many myths in regards to the origins of the "fuck you" gesture. In truth, references are found as far back as ancient rome, byzantium, and egypt. The gestures popularity in the roman empire would explain the widespread prevalence of it and similar gestures. In many older writings it was associated with such other superstitions as the evil eye as well. Regardless, this guy will have trouble flipping the digitus impudicus with that hand for a while.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Pulled From the Claws of Defeat!

Here is the first picture of hopefully three total. I asked around and found that one of our awesome techs had taken some phone photos of the infamous catfish. Here is the first one he sent me. It shows the shoe with the fish sticking out. The shoe is off the foot here, but part of the spine is still in the foot.

Monday, July 6, 2009


Tonight was a tough evening. We had an attending call off at the last minute, and we were swamped. Tons of minor emergencies, on top of lots of serious and complicated patients. One of the minor emergencies was a guy who had gotten a three pronged fish hook in his thumb and then decided it would be a good idea to cut it off down to skin level. What could have been a simple extraction turned into an incision and lots of digging around. The strangest part of his story was that he said he was home alone and would have been stuck in his building if he hadn't have cut the hook. This makes no sense at all, but all patients are lying about something, for some reason. The low point of the evening was this 87 yr old guy who was fairly lucid, but who was on his last leg and who i had to change from full code to DNR and ship back to the nursing home to die. I had to explain all this plan to him, even though his daughter was the power of attorney and he didn't really make the decision. He cried a little, but then seemed ok and just wanted some water, on which he nearly aspirated and died right there soon after I had revoked his full code status! At least he was not totally aware of the situation.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The 4th

My patients last night were a steady stream of drunks and weirdos, and drunk weirdos, interspersed with this strange rash of "stomach flus", although as has been said by I believe Greg Henry on EMRAP, you won't ever find the "stomach flu" in any medical textbook. I guess just a summer bug going around, the "24 hr flu", but damn if Im not scared I'm going to miss something serious in the middle of all of them. The parade of weirdos and drunks was highlighted by a guy who called the squad for himself, after he wrecked his bicycle. Once he got here though, he spent the next five hours trying to get out. His story was that he got drunk and got with a prostitute, who he was trying to fuck on the bicycle, while riding down the street. This seems unlikely, but would explain the accident.

Friday, July 3, 2009


Cade and I went to see some fireworks in this small town about an hour from the center tonight. The show was small, but we got to be really close to the action. We both work tomorrow night and will miss the big show in the city. As the evening wore on,waiting for the show, Cade became rather drunk. He started talking to all the people around us, and we heard of how during the previous year's show a canister had tipped over and sent a mortar screaming through the crowd! Supposedly nobody was hit, but the shell hit a nearby house and started a small fire. .... At home now, going to have a hard time sleeping because m dog barks at all the fireworks that go off around the area.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Response

"Norgi" left a comment on my 5 june post; "Call Night Under The Full Moon", I appreciate the interest, but you pastafarians are all the same. You have no concept of the principles of Capitalism and The American Dream. As some asshole once said, you have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture. Besides, You are breaking one of the "Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by Using FSMs Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. Ok, have to go to bed, I'll be out at the Alotian early in the morning, so I can catch the greens while they're fresh.


Forgetting my camera at work today was a huge mistake! A guy was fishing and caught a small (about 10 inch) catfish. When he tried to remove it from the hook he was stung. This really pissed him off, so he threw the fish on the ground and stomped it. The dorsal spine went through his sandle and into his foot! He came into the department with a fish still hanging off his foot! The thing was still alive! After much effort it was removed, and I lost possibly the greatest photo opportunity of my life! You can't even find a picture of anything similar to these on google images or anywhere else I looked on the web. Missed a chance to contribute to medical literature I guess, or at least the "darwin awards" or something like that.