Bad Weather, and the razorbacks season in review

With a patch of bad weather coming through the area lately, the ER has been busy. Car accidents, of course, and slips and falls with broken hips, and broken everything else, and hypothermic bums, and hypothermic little old ladies. And of course fires, which are the worst, and even people getting killed trying to make fire, like the two different guys we have seen killed cutting firewood this winter. I am certainly not a global warming naysayer, but this is the coldest winter since at least 1977 in many parts of the world. It is the coldest it has been in Key West for 131 years! I like the cold sometimes, but this is causing a lot of anguish, and is having all kinds of unseen effects like driving up fuel prices, and may even contribute to another flu (swine or otherwise) outbreak by keeping everyone jammed together in doors. ... (By the way, sorry to use all these dots and wierd punctuations, but it seems you can't start a new paragraph and indent on here.)..... Anyway, I have been using some of my extra time inside to reflect on the razorbacks. I am happy with the bowl we got, and I think we beat a tough team, from a tougher than most think conference. I am not Happy with Mallett, though. He looks like Gumby trying to play football, and he thinks he could have even thought about going pro? I doubt it. But the thing I hate the most is here he is, after his "sophomore" year, wanting to go. We know he doesn't care about the team. We can see where his selfish thoughts lie, and we have to spend the whole next season knowing he is leaving us early, and wishing he could have done it sooner. Oh well, I do think we will have an awesome season next year, maybe we actually will be a contender in the west?

The Penis Surprise

I Gave a lecture today, and as a policy I always try to sneak a Nasty Penis picture into every presentation. I always spring it when people least suspect, like right in the middle of a series of slides depicting all the images of the FAST exam. This picture of circumate balanitis (for those who wish to know) was the one I snuck in today. Just as I moved from ACute mountain sickness with High Altitude Pulmanary Edema and transitioned to High Altitude Cerebral Edema, I flashed the picture. I should start offering bonus points for the first person to name the various penis pathologies.

AAA

A 19 year old girl came to our ED today, complaining that she had a AAA (abdominal aortic aneurysm). She was smiling and laughing and said that she thinks it is ruptured. Her cousin, a nurse, had told her that she had a pulsating mass in her belly and that she needed checked out. She sent her with a list of tests that we should perform to diagnose the aneurysm. I was so glad. The girl certainly did not have an aneurysm, but I attempted to calmly reassure her. However she insisted and seemed terrified so I ordered a few of the desired tests. No aneurysm. Ridiculous.... She was kind of nice though, and I think her cousin the nurse had just really scared her.

The Resident Lounge Revisited

Who Are the suspects in the residency lounge vandalisms? First, lets consider the possibility; could it all be a series of accidents? The beds are the cheapest of cheap, maybe somebody just sat on them to heavily. But twice? Maybe the hair in the drain is just old, built up over tim. But why was it all long and one color? The busted mirror? Maybe bad luck. Who knows. And who attempted to Jimmy the lock? Wouldn't the perpetrator know the code? But, who are the suspects? Cade? Probably number one in some minds. He did "steal" the flat screen TV from the hospice lounge. Who could be more heartless and lawless? Does that man know no limits or have no morals? Me? I am certainly not above suspicion. I have never been known as the strictest rule abider. There are some in the hospital who probably think I am capable of this. What about the EM / IM resident who I will refer to as our own version of "The Fat Man", except she is "The Fat Woman" And the name is well earned. While she lacks the flare and intelligence of the original, she at least lives up to the name. Maybe she sat too hard on the super cheap beds, and they went down. She has to sleep somewhere, after all. What about the aforementioned Peds resident. With the drug habit and the paranoid schizophrenia, I still put her at the top of the list, and she has the long hair. The butch fat woman does not. What about Lyle? The freaky resident with the wife in the GI fellowship? Did they practice colonoscopies on each other in the sleeping area and get too frisky on the beds? Is that all ass hair in those pipes? Who knows. I am certain the investigation continues, and I will be sure to keep you posted.

The Old Man and The Slut

In our EM program, we ride on an ambulance for one EMS shift every month. You can see some crazy stuff on these runs, to say the least. Today I rode along with one of our inner city squads. Most of the day was slow. One old man DOA, not much else. Then, we were called to a little run down house in a not so good part of the city. We had been called by the police to take in an eighty-two year old man who had been assaulted by a prostitute, that he had invited into his house. He wasn't hurt very bad, but she had robbed him, and busted up the house. The man was demented, and needed to come in so that social services could obtain a nursing home placement for him. He, however, did not feel that he needed a nursing home. He was rather belligerent, and said that he refused to leave, and that he could take care of himself. Furthermore, he had a little beagle that he was concerned no one would be able to take care of if he left. With much effort we reassured him that the dog would be well taken care of him, and the police firmly showed him to the ambulance. As we were bringing him through the gate of his chain link fence, the dog squeezed out and took off down the street. The cops chased it, but weren't able to catch it, and soon gave up. The old man cried about the dog all the way to the hospital, I'm sure he will never see it again.